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 Commitment is turning into a four-letter word. Marriage and divorce rates are equal. The divorce rate within the church is the same as those outside the church. What has happened to marriage? More and more I see those who have been married for 20 plus years getting a divorce. What happens to a marriage that has made it through the hard fundamental years only to fall apart later? Marriage is an ever-changing working relationship that must grow in order for there to be enduring tranquility and contentment. There is never a time in which one can say, “I have made it now I don’t have to try.” Marriage between two people is a shadow of Gods commitment to His children. Through Christ we have an eternal covenant of marriage with God. His covenant to us is to sojourn with us through it all; it is our job to show the world His untiring affection for us through marriage. He wants to show His love to us through commitment of marriage. Both relationships are constantly in need of growth. It is up to us to build dedication to the covenant of marriage. Doing this allows us to experience God’s devotion of redeeming love. Below I have listed some ways to keep a marriage growing. Try some or all to see if you can improve and cause growth within your relationships. Some of these tools will help you in every relationship you have. Try these suggestions and catch a glimpse of what joy can come from growth.
 Don’t allow your mind to rehearse the negative qualities of the other person. Whenever you stay focused on those qualities it depletes happiness. If you were to think about your own negative actions, you probably act out at least two destructive behaviors of your own for every one of theirs. Have you ever asked yourself if you would change your detrimental behaviors how that could influence your relationship for the better? Staying trapped within the negative thought pattern never brings a solution to any issues. Only when you turn your thoughts to ask the Lord for understanding do the issues become smaller and resolution has a chance to come forth. To help counter act the negative influence you are putting into the relationship, you could compliment your loved one everyday. Think of at two compliments you could say face-to-face everyday. This is more than just “you look good” and “that is a pretty purse.” I’m talking about real compliments, ones that really matter. I call them face-to-face compliments. Looking into another's eyes and really say thank-you. “I thank God for giving you to me, you are a joy in my life.” “Thank-you for not giving up on me”. It could be a deep heartfelt thanks or just an appreciation of who they are. Don’t be chicken and say it from across the room or while their back is turned. When you do that, it means you are afraid of rejection. If you have too much fear of rejection, then start small and work up to the more vulnerable compliments. Don’t let your fear of being rejected keep you stuck in a negative mindset. Reconnect and Disconnect. This is the perfect time to give those compliments. Whoever is the first to leave the house needs to come over and give a hug, kiss, or a soft goodbye “I’m leaving now”, even if one is still in bed. A soft kiss and a farewell are important for the relationship to have this transition, until you meet again. The reconnecting is generally the most fun. Whoever is coming in the door last needs to go to the one that is already home and give a hug, kiss hello, I’m glad to see you moment. If the kids are bouncing around your feet tell them you have to give mommy a hug, then pick them up and let the joy of reconnection flow though your whole family’s heart. These two little actions can make a difference in how you view your spouse. When your day begins, do you just ignore God or do you say hello, is your last conscious words before falling asleep do you say goodnight to your heavenly father? Beginning and ending your day with a reconnect and disconnect with the Lord helps one to stay focused on growing your spiritual relationship. If you never say hello or goodnight then your relationship is surely not growing. If your relationship with the Lord is not maturing then how can you expect your relationship with your love one to strengthen? If you never say a true heartfelt praise a thank-you to your heavenly Father for anything, then how can you do that with your spouse? If you dwell on what you think God hasn’t done for you, and how is He has been mean to you, then how will you ever experience joy and peace for your life. Most of the bad that happens in this life is not because God is picking on you. His heart is to love you and to show you His grace and mercy towards you. He wants you to experience Him and have peace with Him as you go through the difficulties this world. If you find these three steps too hard to begin with the person you love, then try to begin with your heavenly father who believes in you and won’t reject you. John 16: 27 “For the Father Himself loves you…” |
