Whoever believes “Love means to never have to say your sorry” obviously has never had a meaningful relationship in their life. Relationships are filled with everlasting possibilities of forgiveness. Few couples understandhow to process through disagreements to achieve an attitude of forgiveness. Most arguments bog down in the middle, never finding the happy ending. Disagreements begin with an initial point of contention. As voices grow louder and louder, the argument spreads to several differing issues which usually never have anything to do with the first misunderstanding. Now the argument is about three subjects instead of just one.

Eventually someone is ready to say “ok, yea I’m always the one that is wrong, well I’m sorry, I’m just real sorry”. By now the argument has carried the couple through the kitchen to the living room back to the bedroom and once again to the kitchen. This process continues until there is the final crescendo scream “well everything is my fault, I’m just sorry.” “Well fine you just be sorry!” as the door comes crashing closed. Next there are blaring thoughts bouncing off the rafters of the house of how unfairly and unjustly accused you are once again. You have just become the victim of this tyranny of dictatorship once more.

If you happen to have a healthy marriage, then you actually might mean the “I’m sorry”. However, I have found unless the person you are trying to communicate with is across a canyon or hard of hearing you can count on “I’m sorry” as not meaningful at all. Anytime we yell “I’m sorry” we might as well be saying, “Blah, blah, blah, I really don’t care what you have to say”.

We have all experienced a real “I’m sorry” and a fake “I’m sorry” Have you ever tried to get your kids to be sorry for something they did to their siblings. As a good parent, it is your job to teach your child when and how to say I’m sorry. The scene usually begins with the conscientious parent bringing them together dragging one by the arm as the other child looks even more persecuted than before. “You tell your sister you are sorry for hitting her”. The little boy stands in deviance and huffily says, "I’m sorry”. Then in our great minds as parents we make them hug to make up. As parents we think we have done a great and wonderful job! We send both children on their way knowing we have made a difference in the heart of this beautiful child, thinking what a great parent we are, not noticing as we turn the corner the boy sticks out his tongue. The little girl runs to tell mom what he has just done. We say, “Just ignore him” feeling the crashing weight of disappointment and despair. Not knowing what to do as a parent, thinking “next time he’ll understand”.

Somehow this scene is repeated throughout our lives. You would think as parents we would evolve and realize this didn’t work for us as a child. Why do we think it will work on our children? Yet, we are doomed to repeat this pattern over and over. I remember this unique ritual at my house, and the only factor I was sorry for, was getting caught. I hated those hugs to make up, I didn’t care if my brother was my friend or not. I was already formulating how I was going to extract my revenge on him the next chance I got. The Bible doesn’t address being sorry, but speaks a great deal about Forgiveness. I have come to know there is a difference in being “sorry” vs. forgiveness. In Matthew 18:21-22 Jesus explains to Peter about the concept of forgiveness, “At that point Peter got up the nerve to ask, “Master, how many times do I forgive a brother or sister who hurts me? Seven?” Jesus replied, “Seven! Hardly. Try seventy times seven”. The Lord’s Prayer also speaks of forgiveness “and forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matt 6:12). There are many more stories which present the design of forgiveness. However, hear is my two cents worth: Forgiveness is an ending which creates a new beginning. In an argument it is hard to scream the words “will you forgive me”. Forgiveness is a two-way response. Asking for forgiveness takes a yes or no from the other person, which makes them accountable to God for their answer. Your job personally is to ask for forgiveness and accept the answer. No matter what the other person’s response is, yes or no, it is a matter between them and their own heart. If forgiveness is reached then a new beginning can start within that relationship. If asking for forgiveness is not received then the asker has to let God do his work within that person’s heart, sometimes it can take hours or years.

Wanting our kids to have a repentant heart is a Godly principle, we often go about it all the wrong way. How about giving the child a few minutes to seek forgiveness, and ponder what they will need to have happen in order for them to ask for forgiveness. Hopefully as parents you are modeling this behavior when you error, asking your child to forgive you. There are usually wonderful and honest hugs afterwards. This way the child knows what you’re talking about and knows what a great feeling forgiveness offers. Our path with Christ starts with us realizing we are in need of forgiveness, and within that forgiveness we are drafted into the Father’s heart.

Asking for forgiveness brings about the possibility for reconciliation and renewed trust and understanding. Jesus knows this very well, at the end of his life he was still teaching about forgiveness, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34). If you would like to know more about forgiveness, please call 865-6406 for a free tape.